Hierarchy of the White House, by Don Plattner
With the new administration taking control of the White House, it’s important to understand the chain of command. As such, here’s a chart to consult while huddling in your bomb shelter and counting down the half-life of plutonium. Don Plattner is a comedy writer living in Chicago. Follow... [Read More]
We Tried All The Abandoned Kitchens in This Post-Apocalyptic Brownstone So You Don’t Have To, by Molly Taft
I know it, you know it, we all know it: eating out in this nuclear winter really sucks. We’ve all rummaged our way through the same abandoned kitchens and stockpiles in our neighborhoods day in and day out, and there just never seems to be anything new. And even if you can find enough layers [... [Read More]
Cormac McCarthy Rents ‘Tin Cup’ from a Blockbuster Video, by Patrick Coyne
He stood and looked over the building. He had his fist clenched at his chest. He entered. Dust and ash everywhere. The crushing emptiness of looping monitors telecasting Pauly Shore’s Son in Law warned of death. He looked at the boy. Evening, sir. Welcome to Blockbuster, th... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘Danger…With a Hard G’ by Matthew David Brozik
“You won’t mind if I ask to see some identification, I’m sure. It’s precinct policy.” The cheerfulness of the property clerk behind the window told me her shift had only recently started. And she was new to the squad on top of that. I could only see her head and upper t... [Read More]
15 Rules to Follow While You Are Inside My Time Machine, by Michael A. Ferro
1. Never ever roll down the window and stick your head out like a dog. There will be thousands of antique clocks spinning around within the space-time wormhole and any one of them is liable to take your head off. 2. Whatever you do, don’t just start randomly pushing buttons, no matte... [Read More]
2017’s WGA Awards Winners Include ‘Atlanta,’ ‘Last Week Tonight,’ and ‘Triumph’s Election Special’
The 2017 Writers Guild Awards were handed out over the weekend, and in addition to Donald Glover’s new FX show Atlanta winning two awards for Comedy Series and New Series, writers from BoJack Horseman, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, Saturday Night Live, and ... [Read More]
Some Personal News (1806), by Jon Wolper
September 7, 1806 SOME PERSONAL NEWS STOP I HAVE WORKED AT JOHNSONVILLE ADVERTISER FOR THREE YEARS STOP AND COVERED ALL MANNER OF HAPPENINGS IN JOHNSONVILLE GOVERNMENT AND BEYOND STOP BUT TODAY MARKS BEGINNING OF NEW ADVENTURE STOP ON OCTOBER 4 I WILL START AS A NEWS-PAPER MAN AT HAPSBURG CHRONICLE-... [Read More]
Harry Potter and the Lost Generation, by Julien Darmoni
In the days after you first broke through London on the express and found the true country with the poppies and the rains and the Forbidden Forest, where the half-giant Hagrid cabined as a kindly vagrant, in those first days before the great unvirgining of the War, if you could keep from making too ... [Read More]
Typical New Yorkers, by Jeremy Glass
Kitty Beans Kitty grew up in the West Village during a time where even looking in the direction of the subway could get you beaten, mugged, and slapped with one of those gloves that have fire ants sewn into the palm. She chain smokes cigarettes by taping the whole pack together and inhaling them all... [Read More]
Howie, by Noell Wolfgram Evans
I was upside down in a garbage can. It was raining. Howie Mandel was missing. Digging deep into the darkness, fighting past the stench of socks and old milk, I could feel the neighbor’s stares as they watched, safe and warm behind their blinds. I pushed forward undeterred, driven by my concern... [Read More]