The Bodyguard: Punjab Resigns as Head of Warbucks Security Detail, by Patricia Grant
Dear Daddy Warbucks, Please excuse the tear-stained condition of this letter. Contrary to my stoic exterior, I, Punjab, am an emotional man. I have been unable to remain composed as I write these painful words. After many days of contemplative levitation, I have decided to step down from my post as ... [Read More]
Leslie Knope’s open letter to America following the 2016 Election
What would Leslie Knope do? NOTE: This is reprinted from Yahoo!, where it originally appeared today, thanks to a former writer for NBC's Parks and Recreation. The following is a letter from Leslie Knope, who works for the U.S. Department of the Interior, Midwest Branch, in her hometown of Pawne... [Read More]
Dear State of California: Please Approve My Application for Paid Family Leave as My Husband Elvis Is Now a Disembodied Head, by Patricia Grant
Dear State of California, This is a personal statement to accompany my application for Paid Family Leave. Please understand, my husband is in need of round-the-clock care due to his severe disability. I have made peace with the fact that he is now without trunk and limbs and I no longer mourn the ma... [Read More]
A Request For Time Off Work to Be Spiritual Like My Friend, Wesley, by Matthew Mazer
Dear Supervising Manager, Buddha once said a really good caption on Wesley’s Instagram. I’m 40 percent positive it was something about the road to truth and 100 percent it was about a handful of other things as well. The point is, Wesley took a really spiritual picture of an unpaved... [Read More]
A Request For Time Off Work to Be Spiritual Like My Friend, Wesley, by Matthew Mazer
Dear Supervising Manager, Buddha once said a really good caption on Wesley’s Instagram. I’m 40 percent positive it was something about the road to truth and 100 percent it was about a handful of other things as well. The point is, Wesley took a really spiritual picture of an unpaved... [Read More]
A Request For Time Off Work to Be Spiritual Like My Friend, Wesley, by Matthew Mazer
Dear Supervising Manager, Buddha once said a really good caption on Wesley’s Instagram. I’m 40 percent positive it was something about the road to truth and 100 percent it was about a handful of other things as well. The point is, Wesley took a really spiritual picture of an unpaved... [Read More]
The "Icelandic Ultra-Blue" Controversy Continues: Read H. Jon Benjamin's Retort for Mike Lazzo
by Megh Wright The ongoing creative dispute between David Cross/H. Jon Benjamin and Adult Swim exec Mike Lazzo just got more intense. After a series of messages between Cross and Lazzo — catch up with part 1, part 2, and part 3 of the dispute — Benjamin sent us an email this morning with... [Read More]
An Open Letter to Marissa of Girl Scout Troop #715, by Geoffrey Asmus
by Brian Boone, Editor Marissa, When we met you told me your favorite My Little Pony was Pinkie Pie, and that you sold cookies to raise money for your "dear sick Nana Georgina.” I now doubt any of that was true. Flawlessly you swindled and double-crossed me. Charmingly you liquidated my 4... [Read More]
I Apologize For Your Negative Hotel Experience, by Jon Wolper
by Brian Boone, Editor Dear Ms. Winters, Thank you for your letter. Hopefully I can help resolve some of the issues you experienced while staying at our hotel. As you wrote, your troubles began at night, when you found that our ice machine was empty. Our apologies. We try to run a tight ship, but so... [Read More]
Letter to My Husband as He Tries to French Kiss Me, by Devorah Blachor
by Brian Boone Dear Sweetheart, Gosh, it’s been a long day, hasn’t it? I’m beat. If I closed my eyes right now, I’d fall into Stage 4 sleep and stay there until someone shook me so violently that I’d wake up and say something crazy in a panic-stricken voice like, &ldquo... [Read More]