I’m So Sorry My Panic Room Is Such a Mess, by Ben Hargrave
Oh, wow, this is quite embarrassing. I’m so sorry about all the clutter. Of course, I obviously knew you, Dom, and the kids were coming over for dinner – that’s why I made sure the house was spotless – but how could I know that these burglars would break into my home and... [Read More]
A Pairing Menu for Works of Postmodern Literature and Appropriate Beverages, by Michael A. Ferro
The paranoia-inducing The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon is best paired with a room temperature watermelon wine cooler, which should be preceded by licking two hits of LSD off an official United States Post Office stamp (or a Trystero stamp, if you can find one). Don DeLillo’s breakout nov... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘Paul Ryan Magazine’: Proust Questionnaire, by Anna Heyward
What is your greatest fear? My greatest fear is of teens, and the possibility of a reckless, bullying majority that they represent. It is worst when they are polite; that’s when I am most likely to have something thrown at me. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? The worst things ab... [Read More]
Your Daughter Appears to Be Our Daughter’s Kindergänger, So Now We Have Some Questions, by Matthew David Brozik
Hello, and come in, please! We’re so glad you accepted our invitation to lunch. Can I get you some water or iced tea? We might have a beer or two in the fridge, and if you want ’em, they’re yours. So, this is our home—and, again, thank you for agreeing not to bring your daugh... [Read More]
Excerpts from Frankie Muniz’s Autobiography That Make Me Think It Was Ghostwritten by Chuck Palahniuk, by Wen Powers
I remember the day my mom got the call that I landed the part of Malcom in Malcom in the Middle. She was grinning from ear to ear when she told me and I thought, “Boy, I must be really special huh?” Heh. Special. Special is just a word that your mom calls you before bed, your [... [Read More]
Excerpts from Frankie Muniz’s Autobiography That Make Me Think It Was Ghostwritten by Chuck Palahniuk, by Wen Powers
I remember the day my mom got the call that I landed the part of Malcom in Malcom in the Middle. She was grinning from ear to ear when she told me and I thought, “Boy, I must be really special huh?” Heh. Special. Special is just a word that your mom calls you before bed, your [... [Read More]
Congratulations, You Have Been Invited To Hawktoberfest, by Dan Caprera
Dear Mr. Kensington, It is with great joy that I tender to you my deepest and sincerest “congratulations.” Over the past few decades, you have been an avid yet discreet patron of the Phillip Hendricks Institute of Ornithological Fraternity. And, considering the many anonymous donations t... [Read More]
Congratulations, You Have Been Invited To Hawktoberfest, by Dan Caprera
Dear Mr. Kensington, It is with great joy that I tender to you my deepest and sincerest “congratulations.” Over the past few decades, you have been an avid yet discreet patron of the Phillip Hendricks Institute of Ornithological Fraternity. And, considering the many anonymous donations t... [Read More]
Congratulations, You Have Been Invited To Hawktoberfest, by Dan Caprera
Dear Mr. Kensington, It is with great joy that I tender to you my deepest and sincerest “congratulations.” Over the past few decades, you have been an avid yet discreet patron of the Phillip Hendricks Institute of Ornithological Fraternity. And, considering the many anonymous donations t... [Read More]
Congratulations, You Have Been Invited To Hawktoberfest, by Dan Caprera
Dear Mr. Kensington, It is with great joy that I tender to you my deepest and sincerest “congratulations.” Over the past few decades, you have been an avid yet discreet patron of the Phillip Hendricks Institute of Ornithological Fraternity. And, considering the many anonymous donations t... [Read More]