An Excerpt from ‘Hey, U Up? (For a Serious Relationship): How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact,’ by Emily Axford and Brian Murphy
How to Pick the Perfect Blood Diamond for Your Engagement Ring So, the two of you are ready to make a lifelong commitment, and you’ve decided to forgo a blood oath ritual in favor of an engagement ring. Don’t worry, you’ll still have plenty of blood on your hands! A diamond ring is... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘Hey, U Up? (For a Serious Relationship): How to Turn Your Booty Call into Your Emergency Contact,’ by Emily Axford and Brian Murphy
How to Pick the Perfect Blood Diamond for Your Engagement Ring So, the two of you are ready to make a lifelong commitment, and you’ve decided to forgo a blood oath ritual in favor of an engagement ring. Don’t worry, you’ll still have plenty of blood on your hands! A diamond ring is... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘TITLE 13,’ by Michael A. Ferro
Thirty-seven pages of highly classified TITLE 13 material were reported missing at the Chicago Regional Census Center on Wednesday morning. At five p.m. on Tuesday, after the employees of the Windy City’s RCC had packed their sensitive data into large, regulated heavyweight folders and filed t... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘Paul Ryan Magazine’: Proust Questionnaire, by Anna Heyward
What is your greatest fear? My greatest fear is of teens, and the possibility of a reckless, bullying majority that they represent. It is worst when they are polite; that’s when I am most likely to have something thrown at me. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? The worst things ab... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘The Best American Emails,’ by Amanda Meadows
You’re Invited to a Screening of ~HOCKEY JERKS~ To: amandasjunkmail@ymail.com From: thescreenery@screenery.film Subject: You’re Invited to a Screening of ~HOCKEY JERKS~ SCREENINGS’ GREETINGS! Hey [amandasjunkmail@ymail.com], Thanks for participating with The Screenery! We’d l... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘Man vs. Child: One Dad’s Guide to the Weirdness of Parenting’ by Doug Moe
WHAT WILL TODDLERS EAT? Food used to be one of your top five things—remember brunch?—but toddlers ruin food. You try to serve them healthy things, lovingly crafted, only to see them reject or smash them. Just a short bit ago, you were trying so damned hard to get them off the bottle, and... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘The Official Handbook of the Bowieverse,’ by Alex Firer and Kenny Keil
Alex Firer has written for The Onion, The Onion News Network, Paste Magazine, Cafe.com and can be seen every fourth Wednesday at the UCB in LA on his Maude Team, The Audacity. He’s fine and his head hurts. Kenny Keil is a writer and artist who has worked for MAD Magazine, Vibe Magazine, a... [Read More]
An Excerpt from ‘Danger…With a Hard G’ by Matthew David Brozik
“You won’t mind if I ask to see some identification, I’m sure. It’s precinct policy.” The cheerfulness of the property clerk behind the window told me her shift had only recently started. And she was new to the squad on top of that. I could only see her head and upper t... [Read More]
Read an Excerpt from Aziz Ansari’s New Book ‘Modern Romance’
Aziz Ansari’s new book Modern Romance hits bookstores on June 16th, but today he shared a lengthy excerpt from the book with Time about how his parents’ relationship has evolved since their arranged marriage, what he’s discovered about smartphones’ effect on finding love, and... [Read More]
Read Some New Excerpts from the Updated 'Live from New York' Book
by Megh Wright The new and extended version of Tom Shales and James Miller's SNL oral history book Live from New York isn't out until September 9th, but in the meantime THR has released a few exclusive excerpts from the book all about the show's more recent political satire, from how Tina Fey's Sara... [Read More]