9 Rigorous Ways You Know You Went to School in the '90s, by Zack Bornstein
by Brian Boone, Editor 1. You remember that you did.Memory serves as a bank of perceptual information. Neural stimuli built up throughout years of schooling can provide sufficient evidence that you attended school in the 1990s. This confirmation method can be disregarded in cases of prolonged hypnos... [Read More]
Completely Innocent Member of High Society Attends a Fancy Dinner Party, by David Henne
by Brian Boone, Editor Is there any gathering more decadent than the fancy dinner party? Where else can one discuss fancy issues of the day whilst indulging on the sweet fruits of sophistication, the tenderloins of privilege? Such worry-free fraternization for a truly carefree caste. The shit was th... [Read More]
The Marshmallow Diaries, by Howard Mittelmark
by Brian Boone, Editor Day one: Brought to the Stanford campus with other four-year-olds for “tests” starting tomorrow. All very mysterious. Something about marshmallows. Nobody will say what, exactly. Maybe new kind of marshmallow? Even yummier? I resisted the urge to cry when parents l... [Read More]
The Songs of Bruce Springsteen, by Liz Arcury
by Brian Boone The following are excerpts of reviews of some selected songs of Mr. Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band. “4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy),” The Wild, the Innocent & the E Street Shuffle (1973)With this album, Mr. Springsteen is exploring a newer, slower – ye... [Read More]
Quotes from Lori's Goodbye Card on Her Last Day at Paramount Diagnostics, by Ryan Krebs
by Brian Boone, Editor “All the best!” – Mike, Sales “Lori, you’ll be missed! Who am I going to high-five when the Molson Files are done every Wednesday??? HA!” – Linda, Billing “Seems like just yesterday you sat down across from me at your cubicle, re... [Read More]
The Siren's Song Of Pie, by Sam Pasternack
by Brian Boone, Editor Hey there, big boy. You look hungry. Very hungry. Don’t be troubled by my appearance. I know I may look like the white smoke that rises when a new Pope is chosen. But honey, I ain’t no saint. I am the scent of pie. And we’re going to have some fun, aren&rsquo... [Read More]
A Letter from the Biggest, Meanest-Looking Guy in the Prison Yard, by Erik Voss
by Brian Boone, Editor GEORGIA DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS – EAST DIVISION D-39 INMATE No. 57073 Welcome, new inmates! On your first day in this state correctional facility, you’re likely to feel a great deal of pressure to prove yourself quickly. New inmates typically assume that if they ... [Read More]
How I Will Become a Better Boyfriend, by Ronald Dario
by Brian Boone I wanted to show you that I’m serious about making more of an effort to be a better boyfriend, so I thought about it carefully and came up with some personal goals. I know we have been having problems lately, but I wholeheartedly believe that if I follow through with each one of... [Read More]
How Are We Supposed to Get Away from These Mobsters in the Midst of a Chinese New Year Parade? by Tim Sampson
by Brian Boone, Editor Perfect! Just perfect! And here I thought we were finally in the clear. After all, we managed to escape from that abandoned warehouse and outrun those Mafia goons for 16 blocks. But just when it seemed like our getaway was assured, we run right smack dab into the middle of thi... [Read More]
Late Twenties Game Night! by Django Gold
by Brian Boone, Editor Hey there, late twenty-somethings! Looking for a way to spend your wide-open weekend nights? Nothing else to do besides hit up that tired old bar scene that apparently none of your responsible, newly career-driven friends are into anymore? Then it's time for Late Twenties Game... [Read More]