Everything Leaving Netflix in January 2018, by Keaton Patti
Fight Club (1999) Wings (Seasons 1-3) Deborah Sanchez (Got a way better job at Hulu) Matchstick Men (2003) Sam Patterson (Refuses to work for a streaming service that doesn’t have Fight Club) All Civil War Documentaries (Don’t want to give Americans any ideas) The Ability To Share Passwo... [Read More]
Sweatshop Kidz Got Talent, by Bizzy Coy
America, do you like feel-good or feel-bad reality TV? Do you enjoy an unending parade of children being told they’re talented or not talented by a panel of judges? Do you buy or wear clothes from literally any store? Then you’ll love Sweatshop Kidz Got Talent, the new reality sensation ... [Read More]
KRAMER (on Behalf of Herself and All Others Similarly Situated) vs. KRINGLE, by Lauren Krueger & Matthew David Brozik
’Tis the last day of trial, and to all in the court, I now offer this argument sounding in tort: My client, Miss Kramer, and others aggrieved Have sued to recover for gifts unreceived From defendant Kris Kringle—a/k/a “Claus,” Whose actions should give you, the jury, some pau... [Read More]
UNZIPits: The Pants That Were Designed to Be Left Unzipped, by Sarah Hutto
UNZIPits were born out of the all-too-common struggle to capture the effortless charm of the unzipped pant while avoiding having the cops called on you for indecent exposure. We’ve all been there: you’re in a casual business meeting at a coffee shop, pants unzipped like every other coffe... [Read More]
How to Be Good at Comedy, by Johnny G: Comedian and Owner of House of Yuks, Canton Ohio’s #1 Choice for Comedy, by Luke Schneider
So you’re funny around the water cooler, huh? You think you got what it takes to make it big in showbiz? Well, take some notes and listen closely, because you’re about to get some tips that’ll help you make the big time in this breakneck industry. A little about me: I’ve been... [Read More]
Help, I’m Bobby Brown and I’m Stuck in This VHS Copy of ‘A Goofy Movie,’ by Bill Reick
Sheesh, am I ever glad you showed up! I’ve spent 22 years stuck here in this plastic purgatory, All the way down here at the bottom of the videotape bin in your parents’ basement. I was doing perfectly fine just being Bobby Brown until 1995, when my life-force was drained ... [Read More]
Help, I’m Bobby Brown and I’m Stuck in This VHS Copy of ‘A Goofy Movie,’ by Bill Reick
Sheesh, am I ever glad you showed up! I’ve spent 22 years stuck here in this plastic purgatory, All the way down here at the bottom of the videotape bin in your parents’ basement. I was doing perfectly fine just being Bobby Brown until 1995, when my life-force was drained ... [Read More]
See Fewer Posts Like This, by Liz Arcury
Why Are You Hiding This Post Today? • This post is offensive • This post threatens harm • This post proposes the notion that Adam invited four people to his birthday brunch and that I was not considered to be one of those select four but Adam has never said anything to me about n... [Read More]
Another Email About the Tax Brochure from “Jazz Guy” at Work, by Jeffrey Palms
From the top: Hey, this is Dorian from the tax department — we met last Thursday at the BEPS conference downstairs (I was the one whose silk shirt Pierre commented was “thunderous”)? We spoke briefly about getting some help from you marketing guys on our new Tax Bullet product? I j... [Read More]
I’m So Sorry My Panic Room Is Such a Mess, by Ben Hargrave
Oh, wow, this is quite embarrassing. I’m so sorry about all the clutter. Of course, I obviously knew you, Dom, and the kids were coming over for dinner – that’s why I made sure the house was spotless – but how could I know that these burglars would break into my home and... [Read More]