A Celebrity Profile That’s Only Descriptions of What They Were Wearing, If That’s Really All You Want, You Animals, by Jeff Wucher
Grace Schoeppner looks as if she has just stepped out of a dictionary, the one she occupies as the definition of the word “chic.” Floating in, she casually peels off a red pashmina of smooth Japanese silk and ties it around her waist, much like how the LAPD has recently tied a string of ... [Read More]
So I Prefer a More Form-Fitting, European Cut on My Tailored Outerwear. What’s The Big Deal? by Coleman Larkin
Oh, am I causing a scene? Is this too much? Maybe you’re fine with the absolute bare minimum of quality when it comes to your wardrobe. Maybe not looking like a total pile of dogshit isn’t a priority for you. Well, some of us give a damn, and I happen to prefer a more form-fitt... [Read More]
So I Prefer a More Form-Fitting, European Cut on My Tailored Outerwear. What’s The Big Deal? by Coleman Larkin
Oh, am I causing a scene? Is this too much? Maybe you’re fine with the absolute bare minimum of quality when it comes to your wardrobe. Maybe not looking like a total pile of dogshit isn’t a priority for you. Well, some of us give a damn, and I happen to prefer a more form-fitt... [Read More]
You Hit the Paywall, You Stupid F***ing Idiot, by Brian Agler
  You stupid fucking idiot. I can’t believe you just burned through your tenth free article this month and thought that we wouldn’t notice. We’re the goddamn Washington Post. You must be some kind of fell-off-the-back-of-the-turnip-truck-yesterday moron to think that we were g... [Read More]
You Hit the Paywall, You Stupid F***ing Idiot, by Brian Agler
  You stupid fucking idiot. I can’t believe you just burned through your tenth free article this month and thought that we wouldn’t notice. We’re the goddamn Washington Post. You must be some kind of fell-off-the-back-of-the-turnip-truck-yesterday moron to think that we were g... [Read More]
Inky’s Letter, by Barbara Holm
My Dearest Clyde, I lay pen to pixelated paper on day 487,000 of this desolate bloodshed. Every treacherous battle is the same. My brethren and I continue to tirelessly struggle to avoid Him. He sprints through the maze so fast, it’s almost as if He has someone guiding him with a bird’s ... [Read More]
How to Stay Friends Once Your Girlfriends Settle Down with Their Pet Rocks, by Ginny Hogan
Growing up is difficult. We all reach adulthood at different points. For me personally, a lot of my friendships started to change at that awkward age where my friends settled down with their pet rocks. I learned a lot about myself and how to keep my friendships intact, and I wanted to share some adv... [Read More]
How to Stay Friends Once Your Girlfriends Settle Down with Their Pet Rocks, by Ginny Hogan
Growing up is difficult. We all reach adulthood at different points. For me personally, a lot of my friendships started to change at that awkward age where my friends settled down with their pet rocks. I learned a lot about myself and how to keep my friendships intact, and I wanted to share some adv... [Read More]
Wonka, Inc. Quarterly Report, by Patrick Muncie
To: The Board of Directors and Shareholders of Wonka Chocolates and Confections, Inc. From: Charles “Charlie” Bucket, Chairman and CEO Dear Wonka Directors and Shareholders, I am writing to provide you with an update on our company’s progress. It goes without saying that my first q... [Read More]
I Have Created the World’s First Top Hat; All You Small-Hatted Dullards Shall Now Quake Beneath My Boot, by Dan Caprera
Hear me. Hear me, you worms who do not yet know the extent of your own inferiority. I know that you can see me (for how could you not?), but now you must hear what I have to say. You “gentlemen” who limply cavort around London in your tricorn hats and your foppish buckled chapeaus&hellip... [Read More]